To Missing Items Department at Haliburton:
I was reading today’s Wall Street Journal headlines out to my teenage daughter this morning (I would link to it but you would have to pay to read it). I happened to notice that you may have lost a very small radioactive tube located in West Texas. Of course my daughter is particularly snarky and said “Can’t Halliburton do anything right? They are like Russia. They seem to hurt a lot of people by doing things so poorly”. Well you know teenagers- they can be so judgmental. I suggested that losing a 7 inch radioactive tube must be easy for such a big company. We lose things all the time in our house. 7 inches is just the size of a screwdriver- something that we always lose in our house. I know that you have lots of teams searching for the tube but did you try looking in the bathroom stalls to see if someone may have left it on top of the toilet paper?
In any event, I wouldn’t just leave a thing like that locked up unguarded in a little metal shielding with a radioactive sign. That sign alone would be tempting to so many teenagers -locks can always be broken. I have one screw driver that I have managed to keep in my junk drawer for years. I think it is less tempting to my husband because it has a flowery handle.
I suggest that you disguise the tube- when you find it again- with flowers. Instead of a placing it in a flimsy metal shield with all of those cool yellow and black danger signs, place it in a Children’s Vitamin container. Remember that EVERYTHING HAS ITS PLACE.”
Published in Open Salon September 14, 2012